The warmer weather should get me refreshed and eager to move. I didn’t do any real traveling yesterday, but I did step out for a bit. I can use Kasey as an excuse while he’s here! All the snow mounds are melting, and the grass is showing again. Yet, everything is soggy and squishy. So you must stay on the wet pavement. I think after a few days, it will all dry out and maybe we’ll even see some buds coming through. (That may be wishful thinking on my part, though!)
I really have no place to go, other than the phone store to get a new one. Most of my shopping is done online now, and I find it difficult to get in and out of the car all the time. For any longer walks, I need the wheelchair, and I soon get tired of the ‘looks’ and the uncomfortable sliding I do in it. But, just to get out again, I’m willing to put up with it. That’s just it – I seem to have no purpose anymore – no aims or goals. At least when my mom was alive, we’d visit her every day, and I had a reason to go out. Now, I just can’t conjure up reasons.
Even after all the baking I did, I want to do more. I may make some apple bread today. That will give me something to do, and I can feel accomplished when it’s finished. But other than cooking and baking, I really have nothing truly worthwhile to do. Is that what retired people go through? Do they miss their work and feel as if they’re not accomplishing anything? I know there are fun things to do – visiting friends, seeing sights, day trips – but is that an accomplishment? Perhaps I was too driven while I was working, and now I can’t really get enthused about anything?
Don’t mind me; I think I just miss that lost hour of sleep! I’m always negatively affected by the change in time, and it takes me several days to feel normal again. This afternoon, I’ll go outside for a while, again, and that will make me feel better. Then I’ll start a ‘to do’ list of things I know I can handle. Once I start checking things off, I should gain a sense of accomplishment. It’s a pity, though, that I have to invent things to give me a purpose.
The sun hasn’t shown itself yet, today. I need that cheeriness, also, to feel good about myself. Aren’t I just the neediest thing? Oh well, I’ll get the drearies out of my system and start to move on.