Christmas

Monday, June 29, 2015

Not As Planned

Remember the wedding we were attending last Friday? Well, it didn’t happen for me. That morning, I knew I was a bit ‘off,’ but I thought that by taking things a little at a time, I’d be fine. I had everything organized. I took my shower and did my hair in the morning. I began my makeup, and I took the rest of it downstairs to complete later. I just put on the shell from my outfit and wore a robe over it, so I just needed to add the slacks and jacket later. My ballet slippers were ready, and my jewelry was set. I thought I had everything under control.

First, I needed to finish the card I was making, but my hands wouldn’t cooperate. So, I sent my husband to the store to buy one. He had to put the check inside and get it all in the envelope, I was that clumsy! Should that not have been clue number one? By early afternoon, I was fading fast, and I just struggled to get around. It wasn’t hot, but when I’m pushing myself, I create my own heat. That was the case on Friday. I tried to just sit and calm down, but I knew I was under siege. My husband could see it, too.

He went upstairs to shower and dress, and he planned to help me get ready. However, by then I knew it was hopeless. I just couldn’t move. I gave up. I told my husband to go without me, and he said he wouldn’t. I explained to him that these were our good friends, and we couldn’t just not show up. He hates to go to social events alone, and I knew he was angry. The anger wasn’t at me, but at the circumstance. Finally, I convinced him, and he left at 4:30 for the 5:00 ceremony.

I was so sad after he was gone, and I just raged at this crappy MS. All my planning, all my organizing, all my anticipation was for naught. How many times would this keep happening? I tried to watch TV, I tried to get interested in my book, and I even tried to make myself be okay. It just didn’t work – I was really just so sad. I hate private pity parties, so I made myself get over it, but it took a lot of mental effort.

When my husband came home at 10:30, I could see he had enjoyed himself, and I was glad I insisted that he attend. He brought home the program, menu, and anything else he could, so I could share it vicariously. He did admit, though, that I would have had some problems. It was crowded, as I knew it would be, and the band was exceptionally loud. The reception was held at the same venue as my daughter’s, so I had a pretty good mental picture of the events.

My girlfriend was disappointed that I couldn’t be there, but she understood about my condition. I’ll get to see all the photos, and I’ll ooh and ahh, despite the fact that I missed it. I am grateful, though, that I recognized that I must stay home. Can you imagine if I had forced myself to go? I’d have been miserable. For the record, I do have something going on here, and I think it’s a virus. I’m still weak, and my stomach has been upset for a few days. I plan to continue doing nothing, and hopefully, this will pass.

Peace,

Muff

13 comments:

  1. I am sorry you had to miss the wedding. Life is not fair. You were wise to let it go though.

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    1. I am so sorry you were not able to attend. As for "raged at this crappy MS," you're entitled. And sometimes venting is all we've got as a weapon.

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    2. Olga, thanks for seeing it as I did!

      Judy, Oh, I do vent a lot. I'm not always verbal, but I can rage internally.

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  2. awwwww muff, what a bummer. it's good you can tell when to stop and not push yourself too hard, that's so important!! i hope you are feeling better!!!!

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  3. So sorry Muff. I know what it's like to have all my best laid plans bust, because of MS.

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    1. I suppose I need to become accustomed to it, right?

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  4. I'm sorry as well, Muff. Missing a 'once in a lifetime' event is truly a disappointment.

    MS has gotten the best of me; it is playing fast and loose during our PNW heat wave (or maybe it is just this bladder infection that doesn't want to go away).

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    1. My two boys are in your neck of the woods, hiking on Mt. Rainier! I hope they get some cooler weather. Get better soon.

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  5. Sorry you missed the wedding. MS makes us make some tough decisions. Sucks to have to choose to miss an event because our bodies and minds have turned to mush, to avoid "inconveniencing others, or on some days for me to just not embarrass myself.

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    1. You hit the nail on the head with your descriptions. And, yes, it certainly does suck!

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  6. oh my - I am so sorry for your sadness and what you missed due to the MS. I feel your sadness so deeply. We had a neighborhood planned here for Saturday - I ended up in the ER following an allergic reaction to a medication for which went in to see my pcp and he discovered i was in A-Fib which sent me to the ER to be monitored and medicated so now I can add managing a-fib to my list of things - and the barbecue went on without us. I hope you feel strong again soon Love Gail, peace..

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    1. OMG that sounds awful! Please take care and get well, soon!

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