Remember the wedding we were attending last Friday? Well, it didn’t happen for me. That morning, I knew I was a bit ‘off,’ but I thought that by taking things a little at a time, I’d be fine. I had everything organized. I took my shower and did my hair in the morning. I began my makeup, and I took the rest of it downstairs to complete later. I just put on the shell from my outfit and wore a robe over it, so I just needed to add the slacks and jacket later. My ballet slippers were ready, and my jewelry was set. I thought I had everything under control.
First, I needed to finish the card I was making, but my hands wouldn’t cooperate. So, I sent my husband to the store to buy one. He had to put the check inside and get it all in the envelope, I was that clumsy! Should that not have been clue number one? By early afternoon, I was fading fast, and I just struggled to get around. It wasn’t hot, but when I’m pushing myself, I create my own heat. That was the case on Friday. I tried to just sit and calm down, but I knew I was under siege. My husband could see it, too.
He went upstairs to shower and dress, and he planned to help me get ready. However, by then I knew it was hopeless. I just couldn’t move. I gave up. I told my husband to go without me, and he said he wouldn’t. I explained to him that these were our good friends, and we couldn’t just not show up. He hates to go to social events alone, and I knew he was angry. The anger wasn’t at me, but at the circumstance. Finally, I convinced him, and he left at 4:30 for the 5:00 ceremony.
I was so sad after he was gone, and I just raged at this crappy MS. All my planning, all my organizing, all my anticipation was for naught. How many times would this keep happening? I tried to watch TV, I tried to get interested in my book, and I even tried to make myself be okay. It just didn’t work – I was really just so sad. I hate private pity parties, so I made myself get over it, but it took a lot of mental effort.
When my husband came home at 10:30, I could see he had enjoyed himself, and I was glad I insisted that he attend. He brought home the program, menu, and anything else he could, so I could share it vicariously. He did admit, though, that I would have had some problems. It was crowded, as I knew it would be, and the band was exceptionally loud. The reception was held at the same venue as my daughter’s, so I had a pretty good mental picture of the events.
My girlfriend was disappointed that I couldn’t be there, but she understood about my condition. I’ll get to see all the photos, and I’ll ooh and ahh, despite the fact that I missed it. I am grateful, though, that I recognized that I must stay home. Can you imagine if I had forced myself to go? I’d have been miserable. For the record, I do have something going on here, and I think it’s a virus. I’m still weak, and my stomach has been upset for a few days. I plan to continue doing nothing, and hopefully, this will pass.