Who'd a Thunk?

I think that sometimes I thought MS was the worst that could happen to me. Wrong! So wrong…

 

We finished Christmas prep/cookies, and had a beautiful celebration. All the family was there, and we had a great time. As things wound down, I decided to get the swollen feet checked out again, by the doctor I like. He put me right in the hospital for treatment on January 6^th, and thus began my whirlwind journey.

 

I received care for the swelling and blisters and was ready for some rehab. However, just before my release, they decided I had pneumonia. Three days later that diagnosis changed and tests began. I had cat scans, fluid draws, bone scans, biopsies, and blood drawn.

 

The end result? I have lung cancer which metastasized to my bones. It’s stage IV and incurable. I’ve opted for symptom treatment and eventually hospice. Right now, we’re living at my daughter’s, and I’m receiving excellent care.

 

Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers as we move along. I’ll stop in to update.

 

Peace,

Muff

 

Off Day

Taking more time off to get things done!!

Less is More

With apologies to Mies van der Rohe, this statement is so true. With my trimming away of all things Christmas, I’m doing way less this year. But sometimes I feel as if I’m doing way more. That’s how my physical decline has affected me. I just do a little and I’m ready to stop.

Today the ugh..bought cards will be labeled and mailed. I cannot write anymore, and my husband’s penmanship is atrocious. So, I’m just putting our names on labels. I’m also enclosing a change-of-address note. I know my friends and family will be surprised, but I know they’ll understand.  Hopefully, next year, I’ll resurrect that tradition. Or… maybe it’s over.

My new form of decorating is gorgeous liquor store boxes. They’re everywhere. I think I have close to forty in the living room – filled to the top with books. What a lovely décor! By the time we celebrate Christmas, I may stack some to resemble a tree. I’d like to use one of my Christmas table cloths and some dishes, but I’m trying to hold fast to my resolve.

I’ve now finished fourteen kinds of cookies, and I’m winding down. Today I’ll make the palmiers and the sugar cookie dough. Tomorrow, I’ll roll, cut, and decorate that dough. I should be finished by Friday and then I’ll send out the basket gifts. Maybe I’ll do some chocolate pretzels, too.  Yesterday, we did the spritz – and my husband is a pro with the cookie press – even with my barking instructions!

Do you see how I can make less be more? I just keep adding on! Maybe I should just settle for a real “less!”

Peace,

Muff

Laughter

I find that I’m crying a lot more than I ever did before. I was never a big crier, and this change baffles me. Sometimes, the tears flow out of sheer frustration. I want to do something I’ve done before, but I can’t. Then I cry. Sometimes, I cry in pain, even though it might not be great pain. At other times, I cry because I’m feeling blue, and everything hits me at once. At these times, I need laughter.

I don’t laugh enough. Sometimes a simple hee-hee will escape over something on TV, but real laughter doesn’t come. So, I try to find humor in the things around me. At times, the ploy works. Yesterday, I just had to laugh at my husband – and he didn’t mind.

He’s my helper when I’m baking. I’ve explained many times that baking is an exact task, unlike regular cooking. Measurements must be precise, temps must be exact, and timing must be perfect or the results will change. Yesterday, he was helping me pour ingredients for the cookies. Every item was just a little off, and the end result showed it. He added a little too much sugar and a little less flour. I tried to correct it but was too late. Then came the vanilla fiasco. The recipe calls for three teaspoons, but he skimped on the first. Then he kept trying to compensate. I have no idea how much ended up in the bowl. The cookies should be flat and crisp. They ended up curved and soft.  We laughed. They still tasted good.

Today, I have to get him back on track with being precise. I may end up with all new cookies! The laughter definitely helped!

Peace,

Muff

Plugging Away

In my past life, I remember how much I could do. Now, if I get one or two things finished, I feel accomplished. I just want to be where I was three months ago – not great, but better than now. Sitting here at the computer is deed number one. I’ve been avoiding wearing regular clothes in order to keep my legs free. I just wear my robes. So the task of dressing doesn’t exist.

Deed two will be more cookies – ones I call Swillies. They’re a copycat Otis Spunkmeyer recipe. I’m finishing all the easy ones first. Then, I’ll concentrate on the fancies – pizzelles, spritz, palmiers, sugar, meringues, and shortbread. Chocolate chip is always last because my boys would eat them all!

Last night, my boys finished boxing the books from here in the den. Tomorrow, they’ll pack some of the books from the shelves in the family room. I’m giving most of my clothes to charity, and that’s the next project. I can’t wait until it’s finished.

I just heard from my hairdresser, and that’s another task to add to the list. I’m just not sure when or how. I wish I had a teleporter!

My world right now feels so foreign, but I just keep plugging away!

Peace,

Muff

Catching Up

I’ve been away from the blog for a while, but with good reason. My husband was working on Thursday, and I get scared to go too far when I’m alone. My doctor’s appointment was on Friday, and that took up most of my day!

I couldn’t find the shirt I wanted, so I took longer to dress. Then, none of my shoes were working – even my Mukluks! I ended up just wearing socks. Getting to the car has become monumental. It takes forever, and I get too worked up. Then, when we arrive, it’s into the big wheelchair – in a very small space. The nurse was kind, and she let me stay in the chair. The doctor explained what I pretty much knew, and he prescribed 1. Water pills – yuck; 2. An antibiotic – working well; and 3. Lying on my back with my feet elevated -- I just can’t do it. I know it must be done, but my back goes into spasms. The doc also suggested a short hospital stay, where it would be resolved quickly. I vetoed that. I just want it all to go away.

In a bit, I’ll be making biscotti – my ninth variety. With my husband helping me, it goes quickly. Of course I’m only halfway to my goal, but it will happen. I’m not making cards – a new decision. I’ll buy them – first time in thirty some years!! And – all gifts are going into bags. Is that streamlining or what?

I’ll try to be more regularly on here, but we’ll see.

Peace,

Muff 

Handling Change

I try to be flexible, but I often find myself stuck in my ways. With all that’s happened and all that’s coming, I have to change that mindset. I’ve surprised myself that I’m doing so well with it.

When I had to move downstairs, I did so willingly. It’s not the greatest, but I’m doing all right.  The bed didn’t work, so the boys took it out. I sleep in my big wing chair, and that has caused my foot problems. I’ll wait until they’re healed and try to find another solution. The bathroom isn’t ideal, but I’m making do with it. In my former life, I’d never have been so easy.

The house is changing around me. All the familiar is being packed, and the rooms look stark. Without all my Christmas decorations, it seems even colder. In the past, I’d be a bit down, but I’m trying hard to look ahead. I try to think how I’ll arrange everything, and my world gets brighter.

So, I think I’m doing well with accepting change. I wish I had the same feelings about all my physical changes.

Peace,

Muff