When I lived a normal life – working, playing, moving from place to place – every minute of my day was jammed full. From the time I opened my eyes, I began a routine that left little extra time. In my principal days, much of that time was spent commuting, but even while driving, my mind was moving as I mentally created checklists. My off days may have had different activities, but I still never stopped moving. When I did eventually sit, I’d read, do puzzles, finish craft or needlework projects, and sometimes watch TV as I did the other activities. My days were hectic, and I never felt as if I were overdoing.
I was usually the first to arrive at my schools, and I liked that solitude so I could set up my room/office for the day. I hated when someone tried to steal my time with idle chit-chat, so early mornings were good or me. After a full day of teaching/admistrating [I made up the word], I also liked the late afternoons to finish my work. Usually, I brought work home, too. When I did housework, I also worked hard. Laundry, ironing [I was a weirdo and liked that task], vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, and polishing were done to my perfectionist liking. To me, this just seemed like the normal way to live my life.
Now, I do very little, but I always seem to fill my days. Of course, I have to remember that everything now takes me twice as long to do. In the good old days, I could shower, dress, and apply makeup in 35 minutes. Now, it takes over an hour. Just the showering alone takes longer because I’m so wary of falling. I must sit to get dressed because I have balance issues – again, the fear of falling. Now, I put slacks on the floor and lift my legs into them. Then, too, there’s the long walk through the hall and down the tricky stairs. Before, I’d fly down the hall and skip down the steps. I come right into the den once I’m on the first floor, where I check email, answer phone messages, and eventually blog and read posts. I eat breakfast at my desk – my husband leaves it there for me, and I stay there for a couple of hours.
If I’m cooking a full meal, as I am for my boys today, I’ll go to the kitchen and stay there until I get tired. Early afternoons no longer take me outside and over to visit my mother. Now, I just read or watch TV. By 4:30, I’m usually back at my desk, repeating the email check and other useless activities. After I fix dinner, I usually watch the news and other shows. Sometimes I read, too. It’s a boring routine, but I have nothing else to do. We take the occasional day trip for a few hours, but I have to keep certain things in mind. Am I seated comfortably and in a good position? If I’m slouching or in the wrong part of the seat, I’ll have difficulty getting out and my back will hurt. Then there’s the ever-present bathroom issue. Will we be away longer than a few hours? Are there rest rooms where we’re going? Instead of concentrating on the travel, I’m often preoccupied with these thoughts. So, it’s not always a fun time.
I often feel as if I’m just wasting time every day with all my nothingness going on. But, in reality, that is my life. I’m not complaining, I’m just stating facts. I know I’m so much better than so many others who are in pain all day or can’t walk at all. For that, I’m so grateful. I just wish I felt as if I were actually doing something. Oh well, back to my scheduled activities. LOL