I’ve decided to resurrect ye olde blog and get back to writing. It’s an outlet that I’ve missed tremendously, and I’m anxious to begin anew. It’s been a long five months away, and it may take me a while to get myself back into the routine, but I’ll try.
My world as I knew it came crashing down in November, when my mother passed away after a brief illness. Things had been about the same with her, and we had settled into a regular pattern. We had been babysitting our two little guys for a week, and we took them with us to see her each day. We returned them on the 14th, and on the 16th, my mother was laughing and she looked great. By the 19th, though, she wasn’t well. I got the call that she needed to go to the hospital. She wasn’t breathing well, and she also had another UTI. They worked on her for hours in the ER, and then they put her in ICU. She went into septic shock and her BP plummeted to 76/46! The various doctors took me into a private meeting room to explain that her condition was rapidly deteriorating. I had to make the choice of allowing the doctors to attack the various conditions with aggressive treatments (some of which were painful and couldn’t be guaranteed to work,) or let her go into a hospice situation, where she would be pain-free. With an aching heart, I chose the latter. That was the 20th. She was set up in a room away from the other patients, where the family could come and go at all hours. They set up a bed for me on the nights I stayed, but I just used the chair so I could sit by her side. She finally went home to heaven early on the 28th, the day after Thanksgiving.
Then I began a week of funeral preparations, phone calls, relatives and friends visiting, and an overwhelming sadness. Outwardly, I handled it all stoically, and put up a brave front. If I fell apart, so would everyone else. Yet, inside I ached. Even now, a month later, I’ll be hit with an image that will just melt me, and I grieve silently. I’m grateful that I’m surrounded by family and friends, and I strive to keep moving forward.
This fall, I had decided that I would go back to Christmas baking, but I’d start early, freeze my goodies, and not be rushed and exhausted. I had planned to finish the baking by Thanksgiving, and then spend time decorating. However, when my mom got sick, I dropped everything, and spent three weeks enduring her illness, death, and burial. My wonderful kids, who spent a lot of time with their dying Grandmom, also took my recipes and prepared a full Thanksgiving dinner, so I could stay at the hospital. I left all my fall decorations up because I just didn’t have the spirit to change into Christmas. But then I remembered my mother often saying that life is for the living, and I began a full-court press to get all the Christmas things up and ready. Instead of 20 kinds of cookies, there were 18, but I was glad I had begun early. My cards weren’t what I had originally planned, but they were finished and mailed. Gifts were ordered online, and I did little in stores. I didn’t allow my own sadness to cast a pall on the season, and I think everyone had a good time.
I had stopped reading blogs and leaving comments, but I’m catching up now. I’ll get back to responding soon, I promise. I’ll also start “spiffing and glamming” my blog again, little by little. For now, though, it feels good to be writing again. I’ll be rather happy to see 2014 depart, and I look forward to new beginnings in ’15.
Happy New Year!