Overwhelmed

Originally, I had planned other “O” words, but this one fits much better right now. Sorry if I sounded overly dramatic or depressed when I took my little day off – I didn’t mean it to be bad. My emotions were just too close to the surface to be coherent. Here’s what occurred…

On Thursday, my daughter didn’t bring the little ones to visit; instead, she had them stay with the daddy who had the day off. She went shopping up here with a friend. She came here to visit around dinner time, and said she’d stay as her brothers were also coming. I had enough veggies for her, so no problem. We had a great dinner together – just like old times, with the kids laughing and teasing. When the meal was over, I stood as my husband cleared. All the kids helped him, but then quickly came back and asked us both to sit down. My heart sank – I thought something was really wrong.

We went into the family room and sat, as my heart pounded. Then, as if with a pre-written script, my three K’s began to tell us that they wanted to help us. They’ve seen that for a while, I’ve been getting worse, and now my normal gait is the Frankenstein wobble. They want us to sell the house as we planned and move into a step-down community. I told them that was what we were going to do, but they hit me broadside by saying they wanted to handle it! They want to restore/repair all that needs fixing in the house. They’ve made a list of things they plan to accomplish. They also – here’s the kicker – want to finance all of it!

That’s when I sputtered and said, “No way!”; however, they just kept going. They had met privately about it and knew what they were doing. That’s when the emotions started. They each said how much they owed us for all we had done for them. My daughter went on about all her schooling to be a Doctor of Psychology, all the financial support we gave her, and her fairy-tale wedding. The one boy was so thankful that he had the opportunity to attend “The Prep,” a private boys’ high school that he adored, but which cost an arm and a leg. The other boy went on about our giving him funding for various needs, not the least of which was a large chunk to have some major dental work.  I tried to tell them that this is what parents do – we aren’t looking for paybacks! It’s just part of the job. They disagreed.

I was able to avoid a huge crying jag, but sometimes my tears did leak. They kept right on going, and begged me not to cry or they’d start. I was just totally overwhelmed, and so proud of them, I thought I’d burst. Sometimes you see the result of your teaching right before your eyes. Now, the question arises – “Will I allow them to do this?” My husband says yes; he would – then he won’t have to worry about it. I say no because I want them to enjoy their lives and not have to be concerned with our problems.

I also don’t want to hurt their feelings. It meant the world to me (no matter how embarrassed I was that they were aware of our difficulties.) I was also humbled that they were willing to do this. But, in the end, I think that my husband and I must muddle along on our own. The kids’ plans were to have all necessary work finished in a few months, put the house on the market by late spring, and we’d move in the fall. My job is to research where we can move, and my husband needs to review the repair list and add to it.

I’ve been praying for a way for us to accomplish this, but I saw the answer as winning the lottery, or a deceased wealthy relative, whom we never knew, would bequeath us a sizable sum. I never saw it as coming from my children. Now, I wonder if this was God’s plan, knowing He laughs when we make our own. I just have to find a way to accomplish what they kids want done, without their having to spend anything. A tall order, to say the least, and that’s why I feel so overwhelmed!

Peace,

Muff